day 06: whatever tickles your fancy: the future

She was kind of terrified by the prospect of her future.

This stemmed, at least partially, from her lack of life goals.

In high school, her greatest ambition had been to turn an old VW Microbus into a traveling darkroom. Her photography teacher had told her about one year on a field trip to Washington DC, the photo students had set up a tiny portable darkroom on the Mall. It was a refrigerator box with red cellophane over a hole in the top. They developed small pinhole pictures.

In college, she abandoned that idea - or at least the darkroom part, she still wanted the bus. She changed focuses, from photography in high school to textiles in college. And she realized that she had even less of a guarantee for a job after graduation. She developed a somewhat pessimistic - realistic, to her - idea that she would be working at a coffee shop or other similar food venue, while attempting to sell her craft online. She even finally registered on Etsy, though she hadn't even thought about putting anything up for sale.

She worried about everything. Her teeth kept getting cavities, what was she going to do about a dentist? Where would she live? Who would her doctor be? Would she even get a doctor? Who would hire her? Would it pay enough for some tiny hole-in-the-wall apartment? Would she even be happy? What about insurance? Would she ever afford a car?

Surprisingly, she never thought about any possible relationship, as nearly everyone she knew must be. She had come to terms with her unique situation, even if she hadn't actually told anyone about it. She kept meaning to tell her best friend one of these days, but had a feeling she would be too nervous to tell him. Somehow, it was different from letting slip casually that, yeah, she had a girlfriend. But her summer fling had added a new perspective, and things made more sense. She didn't even want to think about what her parents might say.

For the moment, though, she was focusing on the next two years. After she graduated, or perhaps the semester before, she would take the time to figure out her life beyond school. Because she certainly wasn't going to stick around for four more years.

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this got away from me a bit, so i had to end it...